This is Not a Real Post: A Court of Silver Flames

Making my way through A Court of Silver Flames is taking some time. Here's why. 

I don't care about Nesta. 

It's not that I don't like her, I just don't care. I didn't in the beginning of the series, and I still don't really almost two-hundred pages into her book. 

Nesta isn't likable, though. She's cold and distant, and has been throughout all of the books, which is actually a thing I enjoy. Nesta's reactions to people, her refusal to be unnecessarily nice, are relatable. But in ACOTAR, ACOMAF, and ACOWR, we see Nesta through Feyre, and there isn't much love lost between the sisters. Nesta's refusal to help take care of the family is portrayed as a result of her growing up spoiled and coddled--which makes a lot of sense from Feyre's perspective--when the true reason behind her inaction is really based more on trauma. Even knowing that, I still struggle to read Nesta with more sympathy. 

And then, of course, Nesta and Elaine are turned High Fae by the Cauldron against their will and Nesta fights in a war, sees her father murdered, and decapitates Hybern, becoming even more traumatized. This has played out so far in A Court of Silver Flames (and, I suppose, in ACOFS), in Nesta's refusal to do...anything. She drinks, she fucks, she doesn't eat and barely sleeps, engaged in a constant battle with her trauma and the powers she stole from the Cauldron. Everything she does, the way she behaves, makes sense. 

And, still, I don't care. I think I'd be more comfortable with it if I hated Nesta; at least that I could understand.

I've gone around and around in my mind about what exactly keeps me from even finding her compelling, and I've finally--sort of--landed on an answer. Partially, it's that Nesta has agency and refuses to use it for anything other than self-destruction. Which makes a lot of sense based on what she's been through! And doesn't particularly interest me! We spent four books learning that Nesta is kind of a jerk, and now I'm expected to read about that jerk experiencing personal growth, very slowly (how growth happens), and I haven't been given a reason to care about her. I care about Cassian. I care about Mor. I care about Elaine. But Nesta, two-hundred pages in? Eh. 

(Also, this book isn't YA, but that's a longer post for another time).